


The Sprinkle Equilibrium

by listentothewordsyousay



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 00:50:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20201002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/listentothewordsyousay/pseuds/listentothewordsyousay
Summary: Donna understands there is a close connection between the appearance of baked goods and prospective retirements.[How Donna really became COO]





	1. Chapter 1

Donna may not have a photographic memory, but she does have a Google Calendar filled solely with birthdays. In fact, she has several: Harvey’s clients, general connections and PSL staff being the most referenced.

Donna knows the birthday of every secretary, assistant and member of the admin team (and more). She can cross reference this with a significant amount of personal knowledge: favoured flavorings, favoured bakery, favoured presentation style. Some people _really_ prefer a single cupcake left quietly rather than the whole show of singing Happy Birthday. Of course, maximum embarrassment can be a useful weapon, if doled out sparingly and with firework candles.

She even knows everyone’s true ages and _that_ is like classified information for some of PSL’s more _image_ _conscious_ staff.

Donna has cultivated this knowledge for a long time. Firstly, she likes birthdays. Secondly, she likes doing nice things for people- and everyone knows exactly who their birthday cupcake has came from. A little bit of goodwill can be banked for a rainy day, after all.

Thirdly, Donna knows that there is a close connection between the appearance of communal baked goods and the likelihood of socialising. She is good at socialising. She knows childrens’ names, grandchildrens’ names, pets, dates, special holidays, some dreams and ambitions.

Most importantly, Donna knows that there is a close connection between the provision of a certain number of birthday cakes and the prospect of retirement. She can, with her signature accuracy, cross reference those numbers against events like engagements (prolongs working time, big wedding to pay for!) and the first appearance of a bouncing grandchild (more time spent with the family).

And if her sprinkle to frosting calculations are correct, Heidi, the Chief Operating Officer, is retiring within the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Donna was stupid. This is how it went in my head.


	2. Seventeen

Donna sits demurely in front of Sister Michael, clasping her hands together to stop her fingers twitching and making her eyes as big and innocent as possible.

‘Well, Miss Paulsen,’ says the nun crisply, ‘I don’t think the legal profession is missing much without you.’

She blinks. She’s actually going to be an actress, but by the look on Sister Michael’s face, divulging that particular piece of information is not going to help Donna in any way. Instead, she takes a moment to silently congratulate herself on her people reading skills before tuning back in.

‘.... namely, that “I didn’t know they were going to do it” or that “she was going to do that”- and may I remind you that she is the cat’s mother and not how you refer to...’

Donna sighs and looks down. It really wasn’t her fault the production of Romeo and Juliet she had begged Sister Loyola to take them to had had Romeo and Juliet ripping off each others’ clothes, and it definitely wasn’t her fault that Sister Loyola had marched the entire English class out of the theatre as Romeo and Juliet got down to business, poking Donna in the back with a rolled up Playbill and hissing ‘immoral filth!’ at the stage as they left.

‘None of that is going to help your case,’ concludes Sister Michael, glaring at her.

All in all, she gets sentenced to three months of typing up Mass leaflets and hymn sheets. It turns out to be an inordinately useful punishment, as she learns to type as fast as she can talk and coax the ancient ditto machine into producing readable copies.

Five years later, when she gets hired as a temporary admin assistant and not as an actress, she chuckles and makes a resolution to go back to Mass and see if Sister Loyola has recovered yet.


	3. Chapter 3

Donna runs her hands over the creamy plastic and smiles. It’s been a good morning. The installation of the new photocopiers went without a hitch. She spent a happy hour tormenting Benjamin and is now the mistress of the brand new Xerox machine. She’s even figured out how to print remotely from her iPad. 

The machine whisks the paper out with a satisfying whoosh and she taps it lovingly.

‘New toy?’ says Harvey’s voice from somewhere over her shoulder.

‘Toy? This does far more work than you. You ought to be giving it a window office.’

A solitary sheet slides out of the rollers. He retrieves it with a thumb and a finger and passes it over. ‘Doesn’t look very enthusiastic to me.’ His eyes crinkle with humour as he leans on top of the filing cabinet. She knows that he knows where this is going.

‘More vigorous does not always equal more efficient,’ she says as primly as possible. She flutters her eyelashes at him and he grins at her. 

‘I need you back outside. Joe Tedeschi is coming by.’

‘Which is why I’ve primed Carl not to let him up until three minutes past two, when I’ve told Aine I need to be at the front desk to intercept him.’ 

He looks gratefully at her. She looks back and weighs up delivering the next piece of news. She eyes up the dimple in his grey tie and purses her lips. ‘Before then I need to run by ChouxChoux.’

‘Birthday?’ 

‘Heidi.’

‘COO Heidi?’

‘COO Heidi,’ she confirms, watching his eyes. The sparkle goes, but credit to Dr Agard, she doesn’t see the temper descend. He does put his hands in his pockets though.

‘This year?’

‘Yes, this year.’

He purses his own lips before digging his elbow into her side. ‘You better get campaigning.’

She appreciates that he’s trying.


	4. Chapter 4

One of the things she loves about New York City is the familiar within the unknown. She knows the streets like she knows the back of her hand and yet, they never stay the same, from the shops to the traffic to the people passing by her.

She’s on her way to pick up a set of cupcakes for Gretchen’s birthday when she hears her name. She turns sharply, hair fanning out behind her, and laughs.

‘Sister Michael!’

‘Donna Paulsen,’ says the nun. As she stoops to wrap her arms around her, Donna marvels at how someone can look older and yet so much the same. She suddenly forgets that she’s forty one years old and feels the guilty weight of her eyeliner.

Sister Michael eyes her up and down and Donna is sure that she’s going to produce a dry paper towel and scrub off her make up. She thanks God her skirt covers her knees at least.

‘Well, at least it’s not blue eyeliner any more,’ Sister Michael says with fond sarcasm. ‘How are you Donna?’

‘I’m really great, Sister,’ she tells her honestly. ‘How are you? And all of the sisters?’

‘Oh, we’re fine. Tell me, what do you do? I always like to hear how my old girls are getting on.’

She roars with laughter when she hears the words ‘legal secretary’. ‘And I bet you’re running the place,’ she adds. ‘You always did have that about you.’

Donna insists on taking her for coffee. She returns slightly later to her desk, causing Harvey to bark out of the office.

‘I was having coffee with a nun,’ she says.

‘Are you enlisting?!’ he splutters. She holds a hand up before he starts getting crude.

She’s definitely not taking vows of poverty or chastity, but she’s found some heavenly inspiration.


	5. Chapter 5

‘It’ll be one day a week, Harvey,’ she says slowly. She can see the tension along the ridge of his shoulders as his knuckles press against the window sill. She can tell he’s frowning. 

‘One day a week,’ he says flatly. ‘What on earth will you be doing for that long?’

She goes for bright enthusiasm. ‘Teaching them how to be me!’ He’s turned around and put his hands in his pockets. She predicts that he will give up and smile in four to five minutes.

‘Carly Donoghue is one of our biggest clients,’ he says. She knows this, so she stays quiet.

‘It’s brilliant PR,’ he announces, after exactly four and a half minutes. ‘Her annual review is coming up, isn’t it?’

‘Yep. About that...’

His smile becomes a grimace and he calls Louis in. She goes back to her cubicle and takes notes over the intercom, taps into the calendar and emails Rachel and Katrina. 

Louis emerges from Harvey’s office and bitches something at her. She fires back automatically before telling him to have a good night. He responds quite pleasantly and she thinks how far they’ve all come.

‘You did well,’ she tells Harvey, noting the two glasses of Scotch. He gives her his and gets up to put on a record. 

She puts her feet up on his desk and waits. It’s Van Morrison he’s chosen, something sweet and hopeful and sad.

‘You’ll get me someone else for the day?’ he asks. 

‘Yep.’ 

He sits opposite her and motions for his glass back. She’s left lipstick on the rim. He slides his thumb over the pink gently.

‘No one can ever be like you, you know that.’


	6. Chapter 6

With candidates identified by Sister Michael, styled through Carly Donoghue’s couture line’s clinics and trained inhouse by Donna, the initiative is a roaring success. The New York Times runs a feature on them. Vogue (Vogue!) runs an article.

She’s never been so stressed and so tired but she’s also never been able to sign her own name and have it really, truly mean something. 

She cries when Harvey sends her a framed copy of her article, but she refuses to let her housekeeper hang it for her. She’s saving it for the wall of a PSL office.

So she still sits in her cubicle and alternatively panders, cajoles and gives shit to Harvey as required. She religiously checks her birthday calendars, lighting each set of candles with her own secret wish.

Donna knows she’s ready for more.


	7. Chapter 7

Harvey brings in an independent panel to do the COO interviews. He tells her that they both know she is going to get it anyway, but this way she’ll get it herself, without anyone bringing his name into it. She tells him that he’s really getting good at this feelings malarkey. Then she sits at his desk and fidgets like a cat on a hot tin roof for an afternoon instead of acknowledging her own feelings. 

He sends her home with Ray before the partners’ meeting. The appointment of the new COO is last on the agenda. She briefly entertains herself by acting out the rest of the agenda. Her Harvey is great, but she concedes that she needs to work on her Louis.

Her stomach churns when she sees the time, so she wipes off her make up, twists up her hair in a bun and puts on her favorite pajamas. She runs a bath but runs it too hot and then forgets about it until it gets too cold. She tries to read but temporarily forgets how. She trips over the Vogue frame and curses, before flinging herself on the sofa. 

Her phone remains stubbornly silent. 

She moves from assuming the worst to believing the worst. Just as she starts googling legal secretary positions in Paris, she hears the rap on the door. She flies over to the handle and flings it open, her heart hammering. 

Harvey holds up a can of whipped cream with a shit eating grin on his face. 

‘We don’t work together any more,’ he says.


End file.
